


Project Codename: HELLCAT

by Noscere



Series: Operation Rejected Asylum (XCOM) [1]
Category: XCOM (Video Games) & Related Fandoms, XCOM: Enemy Unknown (2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5612245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noscere/pseuds/Noscere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When interrogating a possible alien collaborator, do the Geneva Conventions still apply? </p>
<p>Central Officer Bradford hopes that the entire chain of command won't be arrested after the war for "crimes against humanity's eardrums."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Project Codename: HELLCAT

Bradford scowled at Dr. Vahlen, giving her his best unimpressed glare. Uncowed, the German scientist straightened her lab coat – were those bloodstains? He hoped that was just coffee.

“Doctor, our men did their damndest to get that operative out alive. What do you mean, he’s cracking?”

“That’s just it, Officer.” Bradford restrained a shudder at the way Vahlen purred out the words. The chief scientist tapped something into the tablet tucked under her arm, and the video feed from the interrogation room fizzed into life on the west wall. Thin metal bands extended over the prone EXALT operative’s limbs, binding him to a dissection table. “He was very uncooperative at first. Much like the interrogation of the Thin Man, the research team needed to be… creative, in order to procure anything of use.”

“Can’t you just grab the info from his head, like the alien interrogations?”

Vahlen sniffed. “That was only necessary due to language barriers. No, Officer Bradford, as we are interrogating a human, that would be excessive. It would merely cause him to expire. I intend to extract every possible detail from him without that complication.”

The Central Officer had watched Chryssalids burst out of armored chests, then spear a civilian on a thorny spike. He had watched XCOM soldiers near liquefy under plasma fire, choke as Seeker tentacles constricted their throats and burst into chunky salsa after one good hit from a Muton. Somehow, this diminutive woman terrified him more than a pod of Thin Men with Mimetic Skin.

“Right. What has he said?” Bradford asked.

“Many things, mostly gibberish and pleas. No matter. We know that this EXALT is an organization sympathetic to the aliens, and yet they do not collaborate with them.” Vahlen tapped something into her tablet once more. A red eye insignia popped onto a corner of the wall. “From him, we found this symbol–“

“I thought you said you couldn’t grab the information from his head.”

“We could not use the same techniques developed for aliens. They would kill him.” Vahlen shook her head. “No, we merely broke down his defenses until he told us. Very politely as well.”

The Central Officer shook his head. “And I presume this symbol is their insignia? How do you know he's even telling the truth?”

Vahlen smiled. “It’s very complicated, Officer. Let us say what we did was sufficient.”

Bradford restrained the urge to thumb the pistol hidden in his boots. Thank God Vahlen was on their side.

“Is there anything else, Doctor?”

“Ah yes, we will need more scientists. The current ones protest our methods of interrogation as inhumane–“

A migraine pounded at his temples, demanding his brain yield to the urge to collapse on the spot and curl up into a little ball. Sending a max of six officers on the Skyranger left an Anthill filled with a bunch of soldiers with the maturity of teenage girls. He had hoped the bored XCOM soldiers’ madness hadn’t infected the science personnel.

“Doctor Vahlen, you realize all of this will be released to the public after the war.”

“We have done nothing against the Geneva Conventions,” the good doctor protested. She pressed a button on her tablet. "Hear for yourself!"

“I’LL TELL YOU NOTHING!” the man on the table screamed. “YOU’RE ALL DELUDED!”

“As you can see, he’s uncooperative once again. Giving him his bandanna - the one that covered his mouth - does calm him down. However, with judicious application of music, we get the desired information without violating any international treaties.”

Vahlen’s finger swept a semi-circle on her tablet screen. The poor man inside the interrogation chamber was plunged into hell itself, complete with infernal electronic orchestra.

         “ _nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan_ ”

“MAKE IT STOP!” the unfortunate EXALT operative howled. Holograms of pink poptarts adorned with cat faces and rainbow tails bounced off the interrogation chamber’s walls. A shrieking electronic piano pulsed to the beat of Nyan Cat's spasming legs. “PLEASE, I’LL TELL YOU ANYTHING!”

 

Things X-COM Personnel Are Not Allowed to Do Anymore, Volume III:

  1. X) Strapping anyone into Interrogation Chamber and forcing them to watch entire "10 Hours of Nyan Cat" YouTube clip is NOT a valid interrogation technique. 



**Author's Note:**

> Credit for the idea goes to the Spacebattles forum, at https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/things-x-com-operatives-are-no-longer-allowed-to-do.284731/ Check them out for more madness in the asylum that is XCOM.


End file.
